I had a dream last night. I was in a courtroom defending U.S. Tiny
Travel in a suit for “malicious churning” brought by the plaintiff,
Omnipotent Airlines (OAL). The Honorable Judge McArco was
presiding. The plaintiffs presented their case alleging that my
client had intentionally and maliciously rebooked itineraries
thereby causing the airline to pay exorbitant booking fees to the
CRS vendor and causing more than $1 million in damages. Even though
my client sold only $50,000 on OAL, the airline issued my client
$1.2 million in debit memos, which they now sought to collect.
“Your Honor,” I said, “this case should be dismissed on the
grounds that there is no such tort as ‘malicious churning.’” Judge
McArco looked puzzled. “There isn’t?” OAL’s counsel immediately
chimed in, “Your Honor, this is a new tort. We are forging new
ground and this is history in the making. We make up rules, laws
and even new words every day, for example ‘noncommissionable.’”
Judge McArco made a decision. “Ms. Platisha, we are forging new
ground here, and the airlines are always right. We are going to
move on.”
Undaunted, I presented my case. “Your Honor, OAL expects
customers to make up their minds within 24 hours after reservations
are booked to buy tickets for travel months ahead of time. In some
cases, they have to decide within eight hours or even one hour.
These rules are unrealistic, which cause my clients to rebook some
of these in the best interest of the traveling public.”
Judge McArco had heard enough and was ready to rule: “I find for
the plaintiff because I am afraid they will revoke my supreme
galactic status if I don’t, and I will have to fly in coach. I am,
however, reducing the damage award to $1 million with the
stipulation that U.S. Tiny Travel remain in business for at least
10 more years in the interest of the traveling public.”
“Your Honor,” I screamed, “that is cruel and unusual
punishment!”
“Ms. Platisha,” Judge McArco admonished. “You should know better
than to challenge the airlines. They are always right! This case is
over.”
I woke up in a cold sweat. What a nightmare.
